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Monthly Archives: June 2017

Information of Date Night

1. Do not talk about the kids, bills or work. This time is for the two of you to connect. Remember all the useless things you used to talk about when first dating? Do that. Or even better. Talk about where you are now. Ask open-ended questions. Take an active role in listening. You two chose each other. All the things that have happened over the course of the years surely have changed the both of you. Have you talked about them? Have you shared you deepest thoughts. Or did you hold back out of fear? The point that I am making is, talk about the real you. Make it all about the two of you tonight.

2. Get out of your comfort zone. Relationship routine can be deadly. Be open to spontaneous adventures. Nothing brings people together like new experiences. My wife and I were once at the state fair. We saw they had helicopter rides, and we both knew we had to do it. Out of the comfort zone and bucket list. Check! What about you?

3 Give a little get a little. If you have different ideas of fun, take turns each planning a date. Sure you may have to sit though something that may not excite you. But, how many times did you do that when you were first dating? To connect intimately, sometimes the best thing you can do is to simply give.

4. I can not state this enough. Please put the phone down. Nothing will kill date night faster than you taking a work call, checking a text or responding to an email. I know that sometimes this will be unavoidable, but make it the exception. If you do pull out your phone, take a picture because you’re having fun.

5. Should you double date? That’s entirely up to you. But again, date night is about building intimacy between you and your spouse. So yes to the double dating, but try to leave it to once a month.

6. How often should date night occur? Once a week is optimal. There is an old saying that states, “you should meditate 20 minutes everyday. If you’re too busy for 20 minutes, make it an hour.” I use the same principle for date night. Surely you can find 30 minutes a week for your spouse. Even if it’s just time for coffee and connection.

Surprising of Dating More

Often, these women are in a situation where actions speak louder than words. They may have been on a couple of dates with a man, and they are waiting to see if he’s going to take the first step in moving the relationship forward like they want him to do.

But the waiting game can get difficult, and while these women want or intend to wait, they give in to the impulse after their feelings get very strong. They decide to initiate the relationship talk instead of wait for the man to do so.

Ever been there? Like my female clients, you’ve probably felt disappointed after deciding to make that first move, no matter what the result, because you know the conversation would have felt better if the man had been the one with a strong enough focus on the topic to raise it himself and communicate his feelings – or at least his goals. Even men from the ’50s who weren’t big on “touchy feely” conversations were able to tell a woman clearly when they wanted to stop dating other people and start settling down.

The way to manage this impulse is to focus on others – by literally focusing your eyes on different men while you date others regularly – until or unless he verbally expresses and behaviorally demonstrates readiness, interest, and ability for commitment.

By actively continuing to date others until the one you really want communicates to you that he feels strongly for you too and that he’s in the same place in life regarding readiness for commitment (specifically marriage, if that’s how you feel), you will likely have an easier time maintaining balance while you “wait and see” if he’s going to make that move and ask you to take your relationship to the next level.

Boundaries in Dating

They define you

Boundaries show who you are and who you are not. Things with which you agree and disagree will be clear when there are boundaries. With dating boundaries in place, problems will be prevented before they happen. It is important to clarify your values, morals and preferences. Then it becomes easier to solve problems. Let people define you according to your own definitions of yourself.

Boundaries protect you

They enable you to keep in the things you want and keep out those you do not want. With the dating boundaries, toxic and unhealthy influences by people are kept out of your life. So you are not exposed to such toxic influences.

Boundaries help protect your heart. So you know what to let in and what to keep out. Within yourself, you have good treasures to guard and nurture. They include sincere love, which is your deepest capacity to trust and connect with others. You have your emotions to protect, which enable you to own your feelings and not allow someone else’s feelings to control you. Furthermore, you have your own important things, which we call values. Your life must express and reflect what you deeply care about. There is a need to have control over how you act in your dating relationship. So you have your own behaviors. Have freedom to express your own stances and opinions about yourself and your date. You have your own attitudes and you are the only one that is responsible for what is inside your boundaries. Your life is like a garden. So you need to weed out what is not important and that which is toxic. Nurture the good and develop it.

Stop Being Mr Nice Guy

Don’t Fight With Her

Do you really want to stop being Mr. Nice Guy? Then don’t fight. Seriously, don’t fight with her, instead, let her vent and then walk away. When she confronts you, tell her you’re not interested in a manipulation or discourse of anger. She’ll fume, she’ll want to talk it out, she’ll get mad, and you’ll look like a bad guy. But she will think about it and later apologize. That’s when you will accept her apologies, but you will be busy doing something else. Just don’t fight while trying to figure out stop being Mr. nice guy.

Take Time For Yourself

Do not just be waiting around for her to call you. In fact, make plans, and stick to them. Make plans, share them with her and then go do them. Do not wait for her to call to make plans, don’t wait for her to try and do things, you should be doing things on your own. Remember, you are an independent person and you are not a beggar. Too often guys wait for someone to call, or to give them some action. Don’t be that guy. Instead, do your own thing, go to museums, coffee shops, read books at libraries, and just be on your own without her. Even if you really want to be with her, don’t let her see it or you will be too nice.